Value, Philosophy, and Faith

If “owl city” can make hit music with insomnia then perhaps I can write hit philosophy with it as well.  Thoughts often seem clearer before any attempt is made to communicate them though they do not become useful until they are expressed. Some things are not understood until taught.

I have struggled lately with a certain meaninglessness.  I have done what I believe was right, though I have been gaining little from it in the way of happiness or fulfillment.  I feel distanced from God and His nourishing power. And as much as I struggle with these feelings, I cannot help but also feel that that may be the point. 

As I see it, though I am not God, the single most important question in mortal life is the question of value.  The only trouble is that all the evidence of the senses and reason cannot positively guarantee what has value or even if value exists.  I believe that the world has been deliberately designed this way.  Life has no apparent or justifiable meaning.  There is none.  Every philosopher I have heard or read who tries to defend some objective ground for value has his axioms rooted in blind faith.  Value is then both essential to human life and meaning and also frustratingly elusive. 

If we were truly sent here to earth to learn from experience and to define ourselves by our choices, would it not make sense that we would be allowed to make those choices in the freedom of a value vacuum?  Justification and philosophy prove only that there is no conclusion which we cannot doubt.  All the intellects of the ages have not offered a single scrap of information which we can trust as a reliable foundation of knowledge, let alone value. 

I believe that the Plan of Salvation and the Gospel of Jesus Christ are beautiful in their truth and clarity.  However, they do not clear the fog of mortal existence.  Life is hard. It stays hard even with all the right answers because we cannot prove or justify those answers to rid them of the possibility of doubt.  We are free to choose the probable or the improbable, the true or the fictitious, the real or the absurd.  The decision is a matter of faith in the value of the choice. 

This is important to remember that just because the gospel is true does not mean that it will be obvious or clear.  To remove the fog, struggle, and despair of mortal life would be to defeat the entire purpose of its existence.  God is kind and gives us moments of clarity where we can see through the veil but we must not expect this as the norm.  Trials of faith can come before and also after moments of great insight.

Hope

I really believe that hope is the one idea that I am most passionate about.
The world can be a bleak, scary place.  Things happen for no good reason all the time and often times those things are painful.
Hope is the belief that God is kind and that He will fulfill his promises, and it changes everything. It changes the focus from the details of the here and now to the meaning which those details have in the big picture.  Most of the things which I and the rest of humanity tend to worry about are not that significant even the scope of a human lifetime, let alone eternity.
What it means that God will fulfill His promises is that everything will eventually be fair and just, that our lives will be given meaning, and that we will live forever in this just and meaningful life.  That is awesome! Even the worst aspects of earth life will be made up.  There will be no sickness, death, physical or mental weakness, hunger, etc.

According to my beliefs as a Latter-day Saint (Mormon) every single human being who has ever lived, or ever will, will be resurrected and given immortality free from physical problems. This gift is a freebee which Christ has given to all of humankind regardless of the way they have chosen to live. The gift of Eternal Life, or the kind of life that God Himself has, is promised only on condition of repentance and honest effort to live the way Jesus Christ did while He was on earth. That means allowing Him to teach, guide, and instruct you in the way you live.
So hope changes everything.

If God does not exist or will not fulfill those promises then we will all live out our years however we decide to live them, and when we die, our self-created purposes and meanings will die with us. Even a well remembered name will last only so long before it is forgotten and lost.

However.

If  an honest God will honor these promises then the meaning of this life is eternal and every injustice on earth becomes nothing more than a temporary inconvenience which will be made up in the end


 

New Semester Panic

I can feel my stomach curdling.  The sour, dizzy smell of panic exudes from my own skin, and the worst part is, I’m not exaggerating.

Why does the very thought of an extra class fill me with dread? 

I was excited for this semester.  Every one of my classes are in topics that I find interesting.  I would probably study them eventually on my own time.  Eventually is right.  How often do I actually stop to read the classics and philosophy treatises? Not often. Rarely will I ever sit down with a book to read.  I am too busy.  Often, ironically, with school.

I feel trapped.  Locked in with no escape.  From what? Is it the work and effort required?

I think it is the commitment.  Ironic that I struggle so much with that.

Every class is a bundle of responsibility which I must commit to carry.  Registering for classes is akin to standing on the beginning of a ski-run in the moment before plunging over the edge.  The trouble is that it is skiing with a tow rope. Rather than gliding effortlessly down the slopes and enjoying the speed and the wind and the silence, I roll and bump and bash my way from rock to bush to bramble with a rope around my neck pulling me ever onward.  There is never a chance to get to my feet and fly.

Every class adds to the weight of panic.

I do not think this feeling is limited to school.  I contemplate other commitments (careers of various kinds et cetera ad infinitum) and the panic is the same.  I feel overwhelmed and grossly inadequate.  I feel offended by the challenge that dares to make me feel small and resigned to the bumping and the bruising.

All education is pain.  We come to understand pain as a gourmet understands food.  These pains produce these strengths. Those, others.  Each has a subtle character and distinct attributes. No two pains are exactly equal.  In the strain of exercise there is sweat and the tension of tearing flesh. Then the ache of rebuilding what was lost, stronger, denser, more complete.  The old is torn and bent and broken, and the resilient emerges as strength is created.  

What ought I to do?  This question is never easy to answer.  I believe that I must prepare now to endure later.  These thoughts now will serve to remind me that there is nothing good which does not require sacrifice.  I am ready to become stronger.  I am ready for pain.